June 29 -- Anger -- Kraków

In James we learn that the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness of God.  I once was an anger addict.  I was very skilled at developing reasons to justify my anger.  Anger toward wife; anger toward children; anger toward self; anger toward God; anger toward other drivers; even anger toward inanimate objects.  If it existed I could be angry at it.  The anger damaged relationships.  My anger was self destructive.  But, it continued.

My wife and I sought help.  But nothing changed.  Sometimes I even found allies in our counsellors. They would join with me in saying my anger was my wife's fault.  The churchianity clubs have these wonderful false doctrines about what submission means.  They are so helpful to anger addicts.  They helped me feel self justified while I remained in my prison. After many years with various counsellors, some free and some very expensive, I was still the same anger addict.  The churchianity system simply had no answers for me or for my poor wife.  She described our home life well.  Living with Stuart is like living next to a volcano.  You never know when he will erupt with another outpouring of anger.  I wanted answers but found none.

Finally, in a move of desperation, we got me into an anger management class run by the social services system.  I did not like the idea because I did not want to merely manage my anger I wanted to get rid of it and be completely free.  But all my guilt and self criticism and counseling had done nothing to change me.  So finally I had to surrender to the idea of just learning to manage the anger.  But in that class, to my very great surprise, I learned what I needed to know to get completely free from anger.  As my younger children will attest, my life was completely transformed by what Holy Spirit revealed to me during that class.

The revelation came in 2 distinct steps:

First:  I learned that no one can cause me to be angry.  My anger was my own.  I chose it.  No one else made me angry.  For me to say, "I am angry.  You need to change. "  Was no more logical than saying, "I am hungry.  You need to eat something. ". My anger was never the fault of my wife, my children or anyone else except myself.

Second:  I learned that nearly all human anger is a direct and normal response to our fears.  Most frequently these are not the logical obvious fears like being shot at or hit.  Rather they are almost always our internal fears.  We all have grown up learning these fears:

• Fear of being dis-honored.
• Fear of being dis-respected.
• Fear of being de-valued or made to feel worthless and unimportant.
• Fear of being rejected.
• Fear of being abandoned.
• Fear of being guilty.
• Fear of being found unfit for human companionship.

Ironically, an anger response to these fears often turns the fears into self fulfilling prophecies.  

I feel dis-respected.  I get angry.  Most people around me lose respect for me when I act out my anger.  

I fear being rejected.  My anger makes even those who love me feel more inclined to reject me at least until I calm down.  Etc. Etc.

Learning these things gave me the tools.  The first point made it possible for me to take back ownership over my own feelings.  I was able to reclaim the gift of God to me -- a sound mind and self-control.

The second point gave me the key information I needed to go to God for the complete deliverance from my anger addiction.  You see I already knew that God's perfect love gets rid of ALL fear.  Not just some, ALL fear.

Therefore, any time I was experiencing such fears, it was simply because I was not allowing myself to receive and experience the absolute total perfect and unconditional love that God the Father is already giving to each and every one of us.

I began a simple but effective action.  Every time I began to feel the tension enter my body as it was feeling the fear and preparing the anger, I simply reminded myself:  No, Stuart you are the beloved son of God.  You have nothing to fear.

Over a short period of time my life became anger proofed.

Later as I began to think more deeply about these things, Holy Spirit showed me something more.  Each of those fears has been answered by Papa God:

• Fear of being dis-honored.  Father God has honored me by naming me His son and heir.
• Fear of being dis-respected.  Father God respects me and honors my choices in life.
• Fear of being de-valued or made to feel worthless and unimportant.  Father values me so much He sent Jesus. 
• Fear of being rejected.  Father has accepted me.  
• Fear of being abandoned.  Father has promised to always remain with me.  
• Fear of being guilty.  Father has freed me from ALL guilt, for my past, my present, and my future.
• Fear of being found unfit for human companionship.  Father God has personally chosen me to be His companion throughout all eternity.

Jesus is the Truth.  What He believes is true.  Anyone who disagrees with God is simply deceived.

We serve no purpose in becoming angry with deceived people.  Instead, we serve them well if we simply live our lives before them so they can see our love and clearly recognize that we have become people worthy of respect, honor, value, acceptance, forgiveness, and companionship.  

It helps when we remember, it takes time for people to see the changes in our lives.  Just because you allow God to change you, does not mean others will see the change immediately.

His, thus Yours,

  Stuart