You Make Me Feel ...

In the earliest recorded human relationship, when Adam was confronted with his wrong, his first response was to shift the blame away from himself. Initially he shifted the blame to another human being.  But he quickly followed up by shifting the blame to God Himself.  It was not my fault God it was the woman.  It was the woman You, God, gave to me.

I find when talking with people who have problems, there is one group virtually impossible to help.  Those are the ones who always have something or someone to blame other than themselves.  We are exhorted to confess our faults to one another.  We are told it is when we confess our sin to God that He will cleanse us from all its unrighteousness.  

We also know that God's gift to every believer is a sound mind and self-control.  We know one of the fruits of walking according to the Holy Spirit is self-control.

We know all these things.  However, when we listen to our conversations, we hear:  You made me so mad ...; She made me feel ...;  He hurt my feelings; et cetera.  People in all cultures all around the World have one thing in common.  When something goes wrong their first reaction is to shift the blame to someone other than themselves.  Listen to our politicians.  Listen to our children.  Listen to husbands and wives.  Listen in our factories and offices.  Listen to children on the playground.  Listen to the preachers in our pulpits.  The one concept we almost never hear is:  It is my fault; I was wrong; Please forgive me.

Jesus takes the opposite approach.  He who knew no sin became sin on our behalf.  That is to say, even though He did not cause any of the problems, even though He did nothing wrong; nevertheless, He takes all the blame upon Himself for all of our mistakes.  He volunteered to be responsible for all our wrong actions and to pay the penalty Himself in our place.  He was born as a human and died a painful death for one specific purpose. He took all the blame for us !

So every time I blame someone else I am cheating Jesus out of the primary thing He suffered and died to have -- the blame.

Indeed, for us, the followers of Jesus, when others blame us it is simple and safe to agree and accept the blame because we know who has taken all our blame.

Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church and takes all the blame for all our mistakes.  In the most important of human relationships we are instructed that a primary aspect of healthy relationship is to stop shifting blame to others and take the blame upon ourselves.  

But we find ourselves blaming others for aspects of life over which we have exclusive control.  Statements like 'you make me angry' or 'you make me sad' are always false.  You do not control my feelings; I do.  I choose how I feel.  For me to say "I am angry; you need to change." is just as irrational as saying "I am hungry; you need to eat."    

We need to own our emotions.  And we need to not take upon ourselves ownership over other people's emotions.  Even if your behavior is outrageous, still I choose what emotions I will have in response.  I can choose anger or I can choose to have empathy and concern because you are deceived.  It is my personal choice and you cannot control my feelings.  You do NOT make me feel.  I choose to feel whatever I feel.  

I urge you to stop believing that your emotions are controlled by the world around you.

I urge you to stop believing you are responsible for how the people around you choose to feel.

You are responsible for your actions.  But other people are responsible their reactions -- positive or negative.

His, thus Yours,

  Stuart