August 11 -- A Guest Blog -- Kraków, Poland

Guest Blog by Dr. Kenneth Wingrove

I really love and enjoy invitations to deepen relationships. I pay careful attention to them because I value them so much. Its like noticing a new bloom in my flower garden in the morning. They are fragile and often fleeting things. There are some flowers I check on every morning and every evening on my way to and from work. I expect these flowers to continue to bloom, after all I am looking after them and nurturing them, but I am still delighted and surprised when they bloom. Other flowers just pop up on there own, maybe from a seed from last year. Those are always an especially fun surprise. And whether I expect new blooms or am surprised by them I really had no control over the process. I was just present and available to enjoy it. 

But I enjoy so much more the invitation to deepen a relationship. Invitation is so subtle and humble and it must be so or it stops being an invitation and becomes a form of guilt and control.

I have a dear friend who has moved away, but he and his family will be visiting my area this weekend. I value so much his friendship. He has shown me and my family an unusually abundant amount of humility and is a profound example of nurturing relationships. If I think back on our first meeting one another I believe it began with him complimenting my grass. Shortly after that he offered to help me with a project.

I am a fairly self sufficient sort of fellow, and often struggle to find a way of getting things accomplished on my own even when I really could use a helping hand. When I don't need a helping hand I almost never except invitations of offering to help. Thankfully Papa had mercy on me and has allowed me to see that turning down these kinds of invitations is a barrier to intimacy and deepening relationships. For many years I was unable to understand that humble and simple invitation is the open door of deeper relationships. Do I ever have to pass through that door, no I never do. Should I ever feel guilty If I do not, no I never should. I am completely free and free of guilt. I WANT to accept the invitation, as a matter of fact I want to be able to develop deep and trusting relationships because that is the basis and foundation for being able to speak love and life into the lives of my friends. I cannot at this moment think of any time when Papa has had me turn down an invitation to deepen or develop a relationship. I also cannot think of anytime when He has asked me to accept an invitation to be used, taken advantage of, or manipulated. Those kinds of invitations use guilt and fear as a way to gain control over another person. I shouldn't even call them invitations.  Some are carefully crafted demands. Some are plainly demands and threats. Both, if turned down, come with consequences of fear and guilt. They take the form of being told that if you don't do what I want you to do, I will throw a fit, or rage in anger. It will be plain that I am upset that you have not done or chosen what I wanted you to do, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Demands make slaves who serve out of duty, they destroy intimacy. We are called to freedom and servanthood because we love. Our Bridegroom will not have a Bride who serves Him out of fear and duty. And that is why He says it is for freedom that we have been set free, and His prayer for us was to experience intimacy with each other and with Him so profound that it becomes unity. 

Responding to Holy Spirit when He points out to you an invitation to deepen a relationship will enrich your life, surprise you, and set you up for adventure.

Also, there are invitations that are really a cry for rescue. I am careful not interfere with my brother or sister when Papa is teaching or disciplining them. I offer love and support when and how Holy Spirit lets me know it will truly be helpful, but Papa's mercy has taught me what a mess I make when I try to rescue someone while Papa is rescuing them. Rescuing is Papa's job, not mine.

So be on the lookout for invitations that lead to deeper and trusting relationships. They are often small and brief, and when they come from someone who truly loves us we may not even realize what we are turning down because there will be no reaction to our rejection but continued love and hope. 

My children cast invitations around like spreading seeds in a field. Do you want to play outside? Will you hold me? Will you tuck me in? Can I get you a drink? Do you want a cookie?

My friend from out of town invited me to help work on his car, eat with his family, he offered to help me with multiple projects, invitations for a deeper friendship I did not turn down. By recognizing simple and humble invitation I found a trusted friend who has proven that he loves me. My family and I have been invited to his new home this Christmas season, we plan to be there.

My amazing and beautiful wife (she is my dream girl) often invites me on small adventures, like asking if I would like to sit in the swing outside, or go for a walk, or watch a movie. 

I recently had the opportunity to help a woman I had just met at work. After a few days she asked me where I go to church. I am careful when I answer this question, generally careful to risk sounding foolish and to make myself a little vulnerable. I said, "That's an interesting question... There is only one Church and everywhere I go, I am there. It isn't a place, or a building or a meeting. The Church is the Bride of Christ connected in relationships as Jesus sees fit to build them." And she said, "That is exactly what I cannot find, I have been to church after church after church looking for friendship. Where can I find other people who have a personal relationship with Jesus?" I told her it was Jesus's job to connect her into the Bride, and to wait on Him. All this time I am carefully listening to Holy Spirit so after our brief but meaty chat Holy Spirit prompted me to get her email address and give it to a certain other person. She mentioned in frustration how she did not know how to find friends who love Jesus, and Holy Spirit and I laughed as we thought together, "I think you already have."

What an amazingly humble Father we have.

Filled with Love and Awe,

       Ken