You Are Not Like Me; I am Not Like You

Good Morning, I hope you have time for a cup of coffee (I'll make tea if you prefer.).

Three of us share our home here in Columbia, Maryland,USA:  My Daughter, Betsey; Our Beloved Housemate and Friend, Lauralea; and Myself.  We all have many things in common:  our humanity; our faith in Jesus; our address; our primary speaking language; et cetera.  And yet we are each extremely different from the others.  We are from 3 different generations.  Lauralea is a professional jockey.  She rides race horses very well.  Betsey is a professional research physicist. She understands what causes the aurora borealis. I am a professional listener.  I listen to Holy Spirit and to people.  Lauralea is a world class introvert; people exhaust her; she can go hours without a single word of conversation.  Betsey loves to throw a party for someone; her parties are always for the benefit of someone else; she can entertain a room full of people.  I like to chat with one or two people at a time.  I am not truly an introvert; I thrive on being with people.  Conversely, I abhor the empty small talk of the typical party and am always trying to escape to a corner with someone. 

If you have read the book or listened to someone who has, you have heard of five languages in which we express and receive love.  Other authors describe more different languages.  However many languages you list, you will still need to recognize the multiplying factors like:  introvert or extrovert; fearful or bold;  strong willed or weak willed; et cetera.

Notice that in the most intimate of all human-human relationships, marriage, many couples (perhaps even most couples) never actually become informed about these differences.  Even those who do become informed rarely actually pursue overcoming the differences so that they can consistently communicate on a heart to heart level.  Tragically, as a result most married couples never become truly safe for each other.

Perhaps the single greatest reason why the communication breakdowns continue and become more severe over time has to do with a nearly universal characteristic of people.  We all tend to believe that other people are,  or at least should be, like "me".  I like to eat red meat; therefore, everyone should be happy if I serve steaks for dinner.  In my world view, it is almost inconceivable that there are large groups of people (most of India for example) who would be disgusted if they were offered only steaks to eat.  When typical Americans travel in France they expect people around them to understand the American English they speak.  Conversely, the typical French expect that all people should speak French.  Many of them simply cannot be bothered speaking with anyone who does not at least try to speak French.  We all initially developed a self-centered world view.  Only by love and maturity do we grow beyond remaining self-centered.

For a moment let's consider what has been historically the most deadly and devastating result this self-centered world view.  Religious leaders everywhere believe that they are right.  Of course they must or they could not be religious leaders.  This is true whether we are looking at Presbyterian Calvinists or at Arminian Charismatic Independents or at Hindu Polytheists or at Islamic Jihadists.  They all think they are right.  They all think those who disagree are wrong.  Moreover, they are all teaching and training their followers to imitate the leader's ways to think about and view God.

But, there is a far greater tragedy.  These leaders also tend to believe that God's style of seeing people and communicating and dealing with them will be similar to the style the leader has developed.  And they communicate this belief both overtly and subtly through out their leadership.

So, for example, almost no one who is a true introvert becomes a religious leader.  Thus, subtly all introverts are told by the leaders, "There is something wrong with you."  Some leaders love to sing and do so well.  Their followers who (like myself) do not sing well learn to feel inferior or inadequate.

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS ! ! !

God, who has the right to be totally self centered, has chosen not to be.

He has chosen to listen to you.  You as you are, not as someone else thinks you should be.

He has chosen to respond initially to you in your love languages and your style and character.

And,  when you are ready, He will patiently teach you to understand His love languages and Himself.

Relax and be yourself with Him.  He is such FUN to love.

His, thus Yours,

  Stuart