Man up guys: Love Her

A friend asked to respond to a quotation she sent me.  What follows is my response to her.  Father says you might find it helpful.

Dear (Friend),

You remain a beautiful person who embodies God's love for people in the world.

Your quote contains 3 sentences I will address each separately:

1. THE MALE IS THE ONE TO BE HELD IN HIGH ESTEEM.

This statement is false as it is written. It contains a correct concept. But it is mis-stated. Many males are despicable and not to be esteemed. If we were to limit the Males to just a woman's husband, the statement is still false. The husband is to be respected by his wife. That is somewhat different than esteemed. The husband is a not "THE ONE" to be respected. The wife is also to be respected. But much more than respected she is to be loved by her husband in the same selfless self-sacrificing way that Jesus loves the true Church, His Bride. Far more responsibility is placed on the husband than on the wife. Tragically few husbands "man-up" to the responsibility.

What does it mean to love as Christ loves?

First and foremost Christ gave up every thing He had a right to; He sacrificed even His own life to wash away all the blame we the Church deserve. He took the blame on Himself while we were still insulting Him and willing to crucify Him. Second, Christ gives to His Bride not only His life but also His own Spirit; thereby He empowers His Bride to do everything the Father asks her to do. Third, Christ provides for His Bride abundantly; He gives her all that she needs and far more. He pours out for her until she has so much she can freely share with others and even let some go to waste. Fourth, Christ extends undeserved grace to His Bride such that every mistake she makes, every wrong she commits toward Him or toward others, He takes on as His own responsibility refusing to let any blame be placed on His Bride. Then, He gently cleanses her from all the guilt splashed on her by the enemy. He does this so carefully that even He can not see any fault in His Bride at all. Christ makes Himself a servant to His Bride.

2. The woman is to submit to him if she has ANY hope of having a well established home.

The home is established by God through the husband. The wife joyously joins herself with both God and her husband as the home is maintained. However, it remains the husband's responsibility to seek to conform himself to the Lord and model Jesus in the home regardless of how the wife may or may not respond. In fact, whether the husband is living in a proper set of relationships, submitting and receiving submission, has far greater effect on there being peace and good order in the home. It gets better when the wife joins with Him in Godly relationship, but it primarily depends on the husband.

The concept of submission has been grossly distorted by selfish men for their own self-glorification. In its fundamental sense it has to do with willingly receiving that which is being freely given by the one submitted to. Thus, a child receives from his loving parents. A worker receives from his employer. And, a healthy well cared for wife, joyously receives all that is being poured out for her from her husband. Please note, only a fool receives what is being poured out by someone he/she does not trust.

In my sixty years of observation, reading and listening I have never found a woman who does not joyously receive all that her husband offers, if he has first selflessly loved her as Christ loves the Church. It is surprising how few men realize that the reason their homes and sex lives are suffering is because they have not learned to love their wives as Christ loves.

3. It is through the woman that the male gains his castle.

This is completely false. Rather it is through God that man is empowered to build a strong complete and fully furnished castle wherein he can serve and protect, first, his wife; second, his children; third, any members of the body of Christ; and fourth, all the strangers God may send to rest within his gates.

As you read this and marvel at the tremendous responsibilities God has placed on each husband, never forget that the wife only enjoys the fruit of her husband/caretaker to the extent she is willing to open herself allowing his life to touch her. The wife who responds to her loving husband with respect and receptivity in the very deepest parts of her soul will find that her life is beautiful and her husband is being transformed because he is touching God in her.

I hope this response has been helpful to you.

Stuart

Oh, one more thought, please remember that each of us, husband or wife, has only one Lord.  His name is Jesus.  The husband's job is to empower his wife to hear God.  It is not to take God's place trying to be a lord over his wife.
sbm